Today marks my one-week anniversary with my cough, whom I’ve nicknamed Ned. I remember the day Ned popped into my life in the form of a scratchy throat, watery eyes and a pounding headache. His hold over me was so forceful that it caused me to call in sick to work. I spent the entire day listening to Ned try to woo me. He was much too aggressive for me and I tried to resist in the beginning. I tried to fight him off with orange juice, soup and all kinds of over the counter drugs, but Ned wasn’t having it. He wedged himself deep in my throat and pounded against my esophagus repeatedly, so I would recognize his power. I had no choice but to become one of his victims.
Ned and I were lovely in the beginning. He even came to work with me, much to the chagrin of my colleagues. They would stare as my loud, grumpy boyfriend interjected himself in my conversations and left me gasping for air. The catty women at work told me Ned was no good for me and tried to ward him off with cough drops. I shunned their advice and continued on my reluctant love affair.
It was my doctor who finally sealed the deal for Ned and me. She said if Ned truly loved me, he wouldn’t hurt my ribcage like he did, nor would he leave me breathless and teary eyed. And besides, he was cavorting with at least 10 other women, who were also seeing my doctor for ways to get rid of him. I asked Ned what was going on and for the first time, he was speechless. The doctor gave me a prescription and I was eager to put this relationship behind me.
Like most men, Ned ain’t going out without a fight. He continues to show up at my job and tries to talk to me at the worse possible times. It’s too early to see any real results from my medication, so I’ll have to wait it out. It does come with some side effects though – drowsiness, constipation, upset stomach, nausea, vomiting, dizziness or headache. Sheesh. Is it worth all that just to get a controlling and manipulative man out of my life? Hells yeah.
(Photo courtesy of http://tell.fll.purdue.edu/JapanProj/FLClipart/Verbs/cough.gif)