Tuesday, January 29, 2008

You Don't Know My Name .... And I'm Trying to Keep It That Way

I am an anonymous blogger. That means I keep my name, my location and my profession top secret. Unless you are one of the few (and I do mean few) friends that I gave this url, you know very little about me. And I'd like to keep it that way.

No offense, but cyberspace is a scary place. I know that with a click of a few buttons, a few determined souls would learn alot of things that I'd like to keep hidden. Not that I have a secret life, just one that's private.

I offer this disclaimer because I encountered a few readers recently. How they made the connection is not important, but it was enough to make me wonder if I need to make any additional precautions to keep others from finding out. Luckily, these people I met are very kind and promised to keep my secret. Maybe I'm taking this thing too seriously, but I can't help it. I'd love meeting the people who read this blog. But I worry about being face to face with someone who, in the back of his or her mind, thinks, "Oh my goodness! She's the one who wrote about ...... !!!" Freaky.

Nevertheless, I will continue my blogging duties. I hope that I never get so weirded out that I have to go to extremes and make this site private. But that would be worse case scenario. Who knows -- I may change my mind and go public in the future. *Shrug* Either way, please respect my choice to be private. Thanks.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Deep Thoughts: Some Morbid, Some Not (With Forgiveness to Camille, which is where I stole this idea)

I wonder how in the world I'm going to survive this semester .... I'm annoyed that my iPod is ailing. Now I can't listen to my theme songs on my way to work .... I need HBO to run a marathon of the last few episodes of The Wire with a quickness so I can catch up .... I really wish my neighbors would stop blasting Tracie Spencer's "Tender Kisses" repeatedly .... I'm going to the Caribbean this summer and thankfully not on a boat .... A friend burned the Avenue Q soundtrack for me recently and I loved this song: "The more you love someone, the more you want to kill them." Hah! How true .... The soaps are killing me with the return of Jesse & Angie on AMC and Sarah Brown on GH. Nevertheless, I will be watching ... I'm convinced that my local Target has healing powers. Whenever I go shopping there, I immediately feel better.... Sometimes I wonder what will happen to this blog if I die suddenly .... How would people know I was dead? .... Would the blog just dissolve into blog heaven after so many months /years of not being updated? .... I really loved "The Great Debaters." One of the best parts was when dude asked Denzel's character to talk about his father. Oh, Denzel. He is the truth .... I have a taste for the following three things: a milkshake, a pizza and McDonald's French fries. Not necessarily in that order and not necessarily at the same time .... Everyday I learn something new about my handy little flip phone. Just the other day, I learned how to use the speaker phone. Hooray! .... I'm really loving the latest Mary J. Blige. So much so that I play it every night. And the album before that is in my car, on constant repeat...... I am anxiously awaiting the Erykah Badu release in Feb. .... I was waiting for Amerie's new cd to drop, but she's pushed her album back so far that methinks it's probably not that hot.....Mmmm, now I have a taste for some Popeye's fried chicken .... Oh, and cajun rice ..... And sushi ....Ohhhhh!!! ....... I guess I should stop writing before these cravings get the best of me.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

The Last Hello

Let me say first that I'm a bit illiterate when it comes to technology. Maybe illiterate isn't the right word -- I'm more reluctant to use technological advances when I can do things the old fashioned way. One year, I was given a palm pilot as a gift, but I kept it in the box, opting to use my trusty old planner. I use a laptop that I'm pretty sure is outdated, but I know nothing about the programs that are on the system. I mean, I know how to use them, but I'm not one who can get into a casual conversation about Windows XP and Vista.

I'm also one of the last people on earth to answer a cell phone by saying 'hello.' Yes, I know who is calling, but I still like to go back to common courtesy and give folks a warm welcome.

Anyway, I write all this to announce that I finally got a new cell phone. If you don't know me, this may not seem like a big feat, but trust me, it is. See, I've been using cell phones since 2000 and the one I just replaced was only my second phone. Yeah, I tend to get alot of mileage out of them.

I knew I'd been given a rebate for a new phone from Sprint a long time ago, but I didn't do anything with it. I don't like going into Sprint stores with all those sales associates so eager to help me, so eager to get me on another plan. I just wish I could just go to a drive thru, pick up a new phone and be done with it. But that's impossible.

Anyway, I went to get a new phone a few months ago, but couldn't do it. Basically, the Sprint folks are redoing their account system and that calls them to lock everyone out of the account system. Of course, they were doing my account at that time, so the saleswoman couldn't access my info to do an upgrade.

This was fine with me, because my relic of a phone doesn't bother me. It bothers everyone else, but not me. This account process was to take two weeks to do, but I let a few months go by until I tried to do anything about it. But things turned into crisis mode the other day when I got a text message that caused my phone to screech so loudly that I thought it was my fire alarm going off.

I returned to the Sprint store and get the same saleswoman, only to get the same story about them not being able to access my account. Something that was supposed to take two weeks wound up taking two months! I called the Sprint people and ordered my phone online. Because of the screw up, they tossed in an extra rebate that allowed me to get an even better phone.

So now I finally have a flip phone. It shoots and sends pictures and could probably manage my bank account if I allowed it. Of course, things in my life aren't that easy. I go to the store so they can do a data transfer from old phone to new phone. No can do. Unfortunately, they don't have a system that's compatible with both my phones. They have one that can hook up to my old phone, but not my new one; and one that goes with my new phone, but not the old one. So I'm stuck reentering all of my old numbers in my new phone.


But at least I have a new phone! Who knows, I may get another upgrade in 2010.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Uncle L

Most mornings, I start my day the same way. I have a cup of green tea and flip to the Entertainment section of the newspaper. I read off the celebrity birthdays to my coworker and she reads me my horoscope.

But this morning, my day was thrown into a tizzy after reading one particular entry. Under "Today's Birthdays", it said: LL Cool J, 40. LL!!!!! 40???? FORTY???????

See, LL was my man from day one. I think his Bigger And Deffer album was the first one I bought. I listened to "I'm Bad" repeatedly and when he got to the part where he said -- "Don't eat Oreo's , eat Cool J Cookies" -- I begged Mom to buy me these new cookies next time she went grocery shopping. I credit LL for giving me my fetish for dimples. Whenever he smiled, I became intrigued with those holes in the side of his face and knew I had to have them.

I'm not so much a fan of his newer music as I am for his ..... well, other assets. But 40??? I mean, I'm sure that's his real age -- heck, he might even be older than that -- but dang. That man is not human. He is a work of art.

Happy birthday, Big Ellie. You're something like a phenomenon.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

The Other Woman

I met the Other Woman not too long ago and she had the nerve to be pretty darn cool. We could have been friends in another life, if it weren’t for our circumstances. But she took it upon herself to steal my man, so we can’t get any closer.

My man is none other than a dude named James Joyce (not his real name, obviously). He and I have been holding it down since 2000. He is always around whenever I need a movie date or an excuse to go shopping. He cooks me extravagant meals and refers to any one of my nemeses as That Bitch. Allow me to state the obvious. James Joyce is gay.

He and I were big ‘Felicity’ fans back in the day, so we share an undying love for Keri Russell. We had planned to see ‘Waitress’ together, but that didn’t work out, so we made plans to see ‘August Rush’ together. Recently, we had a phone conversation where he confessed that he already saw August Rush. With his coworker, Ana, The Other Woman. Apparently, she scored free tickets and asked him to come along. It was all so last minute that there was no way he could say no. Or so he said.

Anyway, I was at the bookstore the other day, minding my own business, when who do I run into? Yes. Ana, that freaking palindrome. We make small talk and I play nice with her, until she tells me that she was just coming back from seeing "Charlie Wilson's War" with J.J. Immediately, my antenna springs up. I can't remember the last time he invited me to a movie. So what if I never expressed a desire in seeing Charlie Wilson, he needs to respect my role as the designated movie date! I mentioned something about J.J.'s movie tastes and she decided then to tell me that he hates that nickname. Well, excuse the heck outta me!

J.J. (yes, I'm still going to call him that) is planning a party that is supposed to help Ana and I get to know each other better and eliminate any animosity between us. Whatever. That chick better step off and realize that I'm the Grace to his Will. Hmph!

Friday, January 04, 2008

Rumble in the Jungle

Warning: The following post contains a detailed discussion about bodily functions. If you are eating, or if you are easily offended, do not read anymore. You have been warned.

I’m the type of person who can only pee in a public restroom. Sure I could do more – and I’ve been forced to do more – but I’d rather not. I don’t like for people to hear and smell what I’ve got going on in stall #2 (hah! Pun intended), but I will do it when absolutely necessary.

I say all this to say that recently my bodily functions took a turn. See, I had been hit with the normal amount of #1, but there was minimal supply in the other area. Basically, I had a problem that started with a big ol’ C and rhymes with ‘complicated.’ It wasn’t fun.

The worst part of my situation was that it seemed to get pretty bad during the work hours. I’d be filled with this overwhelming urge to go. But once I got into the stall, nothing happened. I’d take my mind to a safe quiet space and try to let it happen naturally, but still …nothing. It didn’t help that the Bathroom Chick (so named for her ability to be in the bathroom for several hours a day) was in the stall next to me talking on her cell phone about a very tasty egg sandwich she had the other day. (Using a cell phone in a bathroom stall is one of my biggest pet peeves. Yuck). I got frustrated, so I left.

Throughout the week I tried a variety of ways to improve my condition. (Note: it’s never fun to be looking at WebMD’s cures for constipation when your boss decides to hover over your shoulder). I felt full all the time and because of this, I barely had an appetite. Somehow, I got the genius idea that ginger ale would cure me. BIG MISTAKE. After one 12 ounce can of Schweppes, my stomach felt hard as a rock. Seriously. You could have punched me and hurt your hand. And yet the condition continued. I know what you’re thinking. I could’ve just gone to the store and bought cure. But that would’ve been too like right. And sometimes, I like to be complicated. But not consti…. Well, you know.

My situation lasted for a few days until it cured itself all on its own. Once again, I was at work. I raced to the bathroom, only to see Bathroom Girl there once again, on her cell phone and brushing her hair. I went into my stall and tried to wait for her to leave. I mean, a sista needs concentration! Man, she wouldn’t go away. She brushed, combed and practically curled her hair before I decided to put an end to it. Mentally, I went to my safe place and voila!!! Problem solved. I couldn’t help but chuckle when I heard Bathroom Chick whisper into her phone: “I’ve got to get out of here!” Fun times. Well, they are now that I’m cured. I haven’t seen ol’ BC in the bathroom since then.