Baptism Backlash

So, today was the first day of my official godmother duty. The goddaughter is Catholic (actually, her father, Homeboy, is a lapsed Catholic and her mother, Homegirl, is down for whatever), so myself and her godfather had to join the baby's parents at their church for baptismal training. When Homegirl told me about this training, I expected it to be no more than instructions on where to stand on the day of the christening and who was going to hold the baby and where. Boy, was I wrong.

We get to the class five minutes early, but you'd think you were late from the way the session leader, Miss Christine, shot daggers at us. We rushed to take our seats as she fired out questions: "Why do you want to be a godparent?" "What's the role of the godparent?" "Why do we even have to get baptized in the first place?" She shouted out these questions at random. Of course, she got to the Godfather first and he explained that he was a Catholic, and he was devoted to Homegirl and Homeboy, as well as their little baby. He said he'd do everything he could to make sure goddaughter walked a straight and narrow path. Now, I just met Godfather before the ceremony and he told me he was an atheist. Not only was he an atheist, but his wife was wiccan, before she decided to be an atheist too. Yet somehow, he won Miss Christine over with his line of hogwash.

I was about to laugh until Miss Christine called on me. She wanted me to tell her why I wanted to be a godparent, my relationship with Homegirl and Homeboy aside. I stumbled through a few things on how I just wanted to be there for the baby when she grew up and stuff like that. When I mentioned I was a Baptist, a gasp came over the room. Then Miss Christine explained that the church only wanted Catholic parents to be godparents to Catholic children, but I could still do it, since Godfather was a Catholic. (Hah! If she only knew!)

Miss Christine mentioned that Homegirl's stepson also needed to be baptized and they needed godparents for him as well. Miss Christine eagerly nominated Godfather for the position. When Homeboy and Homegirl selected me as the godmother again, she was less then eager. "Well, I guess that'll work ...." she practically whispered.

After about an hour of enduring the Sunday School SATs and answering questions about sin and original sin, we learned that Homegirl and Homeboy were unable to get the baby baptized this weekend anyway. They got their dates confused and would be out of town. Plus, they just realized they needed to find a name of a saint to give to the baby and that would be read on baptismal day. So they have alot of work cut out for them.

Miss Christine was nice enough to give me some paperwork to look over while I wait for baptism day. I think she's hoping I'll be a full-fledged Catholic by then. Nice try, lady.



Photo from http://media.bigoo.ws/content/image/cartoon/cartoon_77.gif

!!!It's My Birthday!!!!

There was a time I got so excited about my birthday that I couldn't even sleep. The words March 24th just seemed to have that special flow to the, a flow that would get me all riled up. Sometimes, I'd look at my watch at 3:24 and make a mental note that it was my birthday. Of course, this was back when I was a kid. (Yes, I know I have issues)

The birthday excitement dwindled over the years. The one thing I do like to do every year is flip through the papers and find out which celebrities have my birthday (Mr. Roper and/or Mr. Furly from 'Three's Company', Star Jones, Peyton Manning, Allison Hanigan, Mase, Annabella Sciorra, Harry Houdini) and that's a list that grows every year.

For whatever reason, I was particularly excited about my birthday this year. I don't know why, there's nothing really special about being 32, other than being older than all the days on any given calendar month. But whatever, I checked my watch at 3:24 each day and told folks it was my birthday. Naturally, they looked at me like I was crazy. I went to New York for the weekend and had an AWESOME time seeing The Lion King and catching up with old friends. I took the entire week off and I'm spending it doing whatever the heck I want.

Today, I took myself out for sushi and went to the mall. While I was at the mall, I ran into this woman who was looking at me strangely. Then she came up to me and said I had beautiful eyes. She was a Mary Kay consultant and wanted to know if I'd be interested in modeling for one of her lines.

I paused because this brought me back to a painful college memory. A female friend and I were singing Mint Condition's "Pretty Brown Eyes" and she said the song was about her. I told her it was about me also, but she said that it wasn't about me. She proceeded to say that the song couldn't be about me, because I don't have the "pretty brown eyes" that she does. Her eyes are light, mine are dark. Even though this happened years ago, I still think of that whenever I hear this song.

Anyway, I said yes and gave the lady my telephone number. Maybe she'll call, maybe she won't. Either way, it was a good birthday gift for my self esteem. Hooray! Now all I need is a new wardrobe, and shoes, and a massage, etc etc etc.


(Photo from http://images9.cafepress.com/product/119695959v2_350x350_Front.jpg)

Broadway Bound

My birthday is coming up, so I’m doing what I like to do during that time of year: Get outta town! I’m heading up to New York City to see ‘The Lion King’, which I hear is one of the greatest Broadway plays of all time. The best part of the experience is that I’ll be like 10 rows from the stage!!! That and I’ll be hanging with one of my homegirls from college, the ultra fabulous La Bianca. Can’t wait!


In the meantime, here’s a vid. I spend my mornings flipping between the Today Show and Vh1 videos, which always give me songs/artists to obsess over.

Rejection. It Feels Kinda Good This Time

I've been sending my short stories out like a mad woman, as I'm on that desperate hunt to get rich and famous. Or at least pay off my loans and live comfortably. Heck, I'll settle for something as simple as sushi and a massage.

Because I've been doing this, I've had my fair share of rejection letters. I used to have a shoebox with the words "HAKUNA MATATA" (it means 'no worries' -- Swahili) painted on the sides. I covered it with wrapping paper and taped all kinds of motivational phrases on it. Inside, that's where I kept all of my rejection letters. The idea was to keep the rejections locked up safely in there. Then, once I got a letter accepting my work, I'd look at these rejections and laugh. Ok, that's the nice version. I'd probably set the rejection letters on fire.

I've moved quite a bit since I had that box, but I still stock up my rejections. (I do save my winning letters too.) Recently, I submitted a short story to a website that posts fiction that meets their guidelines. I posted to them before and was rejected, so this time I sent something different. I was turned down again, but I'm not mad. Actually, I'm smiling a little bit. Here's the rejection letter:

From:	submissions@XYZFICTION.com
Sent:	Sat 3/07/09 5:49 PM
To:	Strength C.

Dear Strength:

Thanks for submitting "Up the New Jersey Turnpike" to XYZFICTION*.
While this story doesn't suit our needs at this time, I hope that you'll
keep visiting the site and keep sending stories our way. As we update
weekly, we're always looking for new fiction.

Thanks again,
Jason Reynolds

PS- While we don't have time to respond to every submission in detail, I
wanted you to know that "Up the New Jersey Turnpike" made it through
several rounds of reading and impressed a number of our editors along
the way. As such, it'd be great to see your name in the inbox again.

Best,
Jason

So yeah, that postscript made a sista feel geeked. And don't you worry, Jason. I'll be blowing up your inbox, best believe.



*Note: Name has been changed

!!!! Happy Valentine's Day!!!!!

I hope everyone enjoys their special day. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I LOVE THIS SONG!! I've seen the video 7458475487 times, but I finally found a version on youtube that I can post. It's not the best quality, though. I'm a bit disturbed that the singers never appear together, but whatever. It's still my jam!

Bookworm

I mentioned in a previous post that I read alot. What I haven't mentioned is that I've become completely incapable of reading one book at a time.

Because of my habit, I'm a frequent patron of the library. I've been reading the Southern Vampire Books (HBO used them to create "True Blood"), but I usually have to add my name to a waitlist to get them because they are so popular. And because so many people want them, I can never renew my checkout time for these books, so I'm seriously under the gun. Recently, Club Dead, which is book 3 in the series, became available. So I had to pick that up and add it to the rapidly growing list of books I've been reading.

So far, here's what's on my reading list these days:
"Jane Eyre" by Charlotte Bronte
"Reading Like a Writer" by Francine Prose
"Spike Lee: That's my Story and I'm Sticking to It" by Kaleem Aftab
"Unaccustomed Earth" by Jhumpa Lahiri (short story book, recently completed. loved it!)
"Club Dead" by Charlaine Harris

Yes, that is quite a bit. I'm hoping to clear out of this pile soon, so I can move onto required reading for school, i.e portions of Chaucer's "Canterbury Tales" and Jane Austen's "Pride & Prejudice." (I give both books an early YUCK. Jane Austen and I don't get along. The movies are fine, but I've yet to get through one of her books) I also have to read "Wuthering Heights", but I think that'll be easier since I saw and loved the movie version with Sir Laurence Olivier. I'm also eager to move onto my copy of "A Mercy", since I'm a Toni Morrison fanatic. *Sigh* I hope my eyeballs don't pop out of my sockets!


(Photo from http://school.discoveryeducation.com/clipart/images/big_bookworm.gif)

Discoveries

I read alot alot alot ALOT. (More on that in a future post) And one of my favorite books is "Lion's Blood: A Novel of Slavery and Freedom in an Alternate America", by Steven Barnes. It is not an easy book and even though I've highly recommended it to a few friends, they had to give it back to me unfinished because it was too heavy.

Basically, the story revolves around the idea of Egypt defeating the Roman empire, therefore causing Africans to have European slaves in what is known as the New World (aka United States). The story revolves around Kai, whose family owns a plantation known as Dar Kush, and Aidan, a slave who lives there. Despite the circumstances, the two become friends. The story includes some historical figures like Shaka Zulu. Anyone who has seen the Shaku Zulu movie (the first one with Henry Cele, not the Grace Jones version) hundreds of times like I have will get a kick out of his antics in this book. There is also a sequel, "Zulu Heart", which is equally good.

I mention this book because it introduced me to the 14th century poet, Hafiz. I don't mark up my books much, so when I do, it's got to be a special line. There's a scene in the book where Kai is chatting with his brother's fiancee', also the woman Kai loves. They begin reciting Hafiz, eventually leading to a poem I now know is called "No Other Kind Of Light:" Find that flame, that existence/That wonderful man/Who can burn beneath the water./No other kind of light/Willl cook the food you need. Beautiful! So yes, I underlined page 425 in pen, a clear no-no by my rules.

I did some research and became a fan of some of his other poems that are posted online. He has a timeless poem that I'm sure alot of people can relate to. It is called "Find A Better Job:"

Now

That

All your worry

Has proved such an

Unlucrative

Business,

Why

Not

Find a better

Job.

There are two other Hafiz poems in "Lion's Blood", but for the life of me, I can't figure out the titles. Here are the lines: We are exquisite coral reefs,/Dying when exposed to strange/Elements/Allah is the wine we crave -- we miss/Flowing in and out of our pores. The other poem goes like this: Why all this talk of the beloved/Music and dancing, and/Liquid ruby light we can lift in a cup?/Because it is low tide,/A very low tide in this age/And around most hearts. If anyone knows these titles, or knows how I may find more of Hafiz' poetry, please let me know. In the meantime, I do plan to check out "The Subject Tonight is Love: Sixty Wild and Sweet Poems of Hafiz."

Dead Man Walking

I'll admit it, there are a few dead men that I have mad love for. Actually, I can only think of two or three at the moment, but I'm sure there are more. Let me clarify. I'm not talking about any freaky vampire/corpse stuff. I'm talking about men who are dead now, but have my love just the same. Does that make sense?

Let me start by talking about Bruce Lee. I was always a fan of martial arts movies, particularly the low budget ones that would air at noon every Saturday in my neighborhood. The plots either went one of two ways. First there was the "Don't Mess With My Woman" plot. That story revolved around the movie's Hero who had a relationship, or a crush on, a beautiful woman in town. But the enemy would either rape/attempt to rape or kill said woman, angering the Hero. The Hero would take revenge and by the end of the movie, all the enemies would be gone and the Hero and the woman would ride off into the sunset together.

Second, there was the "Don't Mess with My Friend/Teacher" plot. That story revolved around the Hero who has a good friend or teacher that is just as skilled in the martial arts as he is. Then, along comes the enemy, who uses dirty tricks to kill/maim/severely injure said teacher or friend. The Hero takes revenge, killing all of the enemies in sight and then the credits roll. (Jean-Claude Van Damme is famous for these plots, i.e. "Kickboxer" and "Bloodsport", which are virtually the same movie)

The movies were cheaply made and they had that famous out of sync voiceover for us American audiences. But I still loved it. Eventually, I discovered Bruce Lee and I was never the same. I can't remember the first Bruce picture I saw -- maybe it was "Enter the Dragon" or "Fists of Fury." Either way, I just couldn't take my eyes off of this beautiful bundle of energy that was killing everyone in sight. I made it my mission to see every single one of his movies and I even caught a few flicks with Bruce Lee imitators. I was heartbroken when I learned about the circumstances surrounding his death and I made it my mission to learn as much about him as I could. If I ever decide to visit Seattle, seeing Bruce's grave is at the top of my list. Morbid, I know.

The other day, I was at Walgreen's and I saw a Men's Fitness magazine with Bruce on the cover. (I think it's the April edition) Naturally, I stopped in my tracks. They had several pictures of Bruce -- old and young -- that I'd never seen before. Yummy! I think the article was talking about Bruce's workout routine and what he did each day to sculp that physique. Dude was serious. Oh Bruce, if only we had lived in the same time period ....

Speaking of, anyone ever seen "Somewhere in Time" with Christopher Reeve and Jane Seymour? Well, I'm about to tell you all about it, SPOILERS and all. The movie is filmed in the 1970s and it starts out with Christopher, a playwright, celebrating his most recent play. This old old OLD woman he never met before approaches him and says, "Come back to me." He doesn't know what she's talking about and she gives him one of those turn of the century pocket watches. The lady leaves and he does some research to learn that she was this famous actress from the 1920s and 1930s. He sees her picture (it's Jane Seymour) and just can't stop staring at it, he immediately falls in love. So he finds this scientist and finds a way to go back in time and meet her. He's transported to her time when both are young and limber and the sparks fly! Of course, something happens and his transported back to his time. He's so heartbroken that he stops eating and drinking an dies. Then the movie shows them being reunited in heaven.

Sorry, I'm rambling now. No, my love for Bruce is not that deep. But it was the only movie I could think of to justify having a crush on a dead man.


(photo from http://images.art.com/images/-/Bruce-Lee--C10104019.jpeg)

Overheard, Or Just Being Nosey

"I'm definitely washing my hands after this!" -- Little girl in the bathroom stall next to me.

"What were they doing? Were they changing clothes?" --Coworker's young sibling's response to learning that a politician was found naked in the back seat of a parked car with a woman.

"I only have one penis to worry about with him. But I have all the penises in the world to worry about with you." -- My cousin, explaining to her teenage daughter why her younger brother is allowed to have female company but she can't have male company.


"KH can't believe she has to beg for a ring after 9 years. Either way, if I don't get one by Saturday, I'm gonna be single." -- A high school friend's Facebook update, talking about the father of her child. The next day she was listed as "engaged", the day after that "single."

My Third Blogday!!!

It’s my 3rd BlogDay! I’m now out of the Terrible Twos and can officially be called a toddler. Hooray!

I’ve done some research and found that as a 3-year-old, I should be moving out of babyhood into childhood, demonstrating my rich imagination, developing a sense of humor and moving away from the 2-year-old trait of having temper tantrums. Hmmm. I think I’m on track. I've matured. I've tried to get a little bit more creative. I get in a few laughs, from time to time. But hell, I'm still prone to the occasional rampage. But like me, this blog is continuosly a work in progress! I can't wait to see what my fourth blog day has in store for me. Or even better, my fifth -- isn't that when I'll start kindergarten?

Either way, thanks for visiting!

The Return of the Shady Friend

I've mentioned before that I have a friend whom I rarely see. And when I do see her, we get involved in some kind of whack scenario that either involves her kids or we have lunch dates that end with me not eating. I haven't talked to her in awhile, so imagine my surprise when I have an email from her.

Her oldest daughter -- she has two girls, oldest one is the one with the attitude -- is selling $20 tickets for a bowling party they're having soon. It's to fund her college tour trip, or something like that. Anyway, it's coming up soon and they're asking everyone to buy tickets. Now, I would happily just give her the $20 and be on my merry way, especially since I don't know what to expect from this bowling party crowd. Is it going to be teenagers or adults? What kind of adults? 'Cause I've been around her crew before and ... well ... it's interesting.

So, I have to make a decision sometime soon. In a perfect world, I'll say I can't attend, but give her money for the college tour and make "lunch" plans with my friend. (I put lunch in quotation marks because the last time we hung out, yours truly continued to starve) Knowing me, I'll forget all about the email and miss the deadline. But we'll see what happens.


Photo from http://content.pyzam.com/graphics/insults/MJZ1272.gif

Contagious

I got a facebook note from my friend H, and without opening it, I already knew what it said. I presumed that H, who once worked at the place where I’m currently employed, had heard about the layoffs/furloughs/other drama that we’re experiencing. It was an easy assumption, since after our company woes have been announced, countless people have come up to me and offered condolences, as soon as they realize where I work. It’s always weird to have a complete stranger try to get all up in your job situation, but I handle it. Things are different with H. We go way back, back to when I was an undergrad and she was a grad student. We both worked at the same internship, where our robotic (but charming) supervisor whipped all of us – grad and undergrad students alike – into shape.

But when I called H, she had some bad news of her own. She got laid off from her company and wanted to know if they were doing any hirings at my place of business. Bummer. I had the unfortunate task of telling her about how things have changed here and how the company has its own troubles keeping us on the payroll. Bummer. Then we commiserated about the State of Things and complained and complained and complained. Then we picked each other up and exchanged suggestions for coping. She got a part time gig, may return to school, may even start teaching.

I hope things work out well for H, since she has much more experience in this industry than I do. I’ve been trying to leave this industry for years, but she loves it. Unfortunately, lay offs are contagious. Hopefully, the rest of the year won’t be so sour, employment wise. And I’m talking for the entire country, not just my little space in the universe. Either way, I’ll be thinking positive thoughts and praying for the best.

"Lucky"

I like catching up with music videos as I'm preparing for work each morning. Most days, VH1 plays the same stuff, but with this song, I'm not complaining. I LOVE IT!

Goals

So, it's early February and I'm already tackling my monthly to-do list like a fiend. See, my February list mainly contains holdover tasks that I planned to complete in January, December, and maybe even November and October. That's sad, I know. But I plan to do better this time.

The two tasks I'm most anxious to complete is sending out at least three resumes and at least three short stories to various publications. So far, I've sent out one resume for a position that may be worth my while, and two short stories. I've mentioned before how job security is a new worry of mine, so I shouldn't have to explain why I'm trying to get the heck out of there. I'm also toying with the idea of getting a part time job to help with expenses. *Sigh*

On the short story front, I'm going through my box that holds my rejection letters and sending them some new material. The more stories I have circulating, the better my changes are of publication, right? My mom said this will make me a little like Prince. You know how he has 9679454958 unreleased songs, and he releases some at his concerts? Yeah, that'll be me by the time my book gets published. One complete novel and 95475948 short stories. Hah! We'll see how that goes.

(Photo from http://www.idratherbewriting.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/goals.png)

Video Moment

For whatever reason, this song popped into my head the other day. Check it:

Top 25

So, a couple of people on Facebook have tagged me into doing this note and I haven’t responded. I figure I’ll do it on here and let my Facebook friends wonder about my ‘mysterious’ life.

The rules are that you’re supposed to list 25 random facts about yourself and tag a few people to do the same. Don’t worry, I’m not tagging anyone. So, here you go:

1 My favorite color is red

2 I dislike green, particularly lime green

3 I’m left handed at heart

4 What that means is that my parents took the pen from my left hand and into my right

5 Basically, they did this nature vs nurture thing because they wanted me to be “normal”

6 But my dad was left handed, so I feel like he should’ve fought harder for my left-handed status

7 I do feel a tremendous bond with lefties and often give them my sob story

8 In fact, I find it extremely attractive when I see a man writing with his left hand.

9 No, I can’t explain it

10 Yes, I know our new president is left handed =)

11 I really have trouble with Rapid Leg Movement Syndrome

12 I don’t have the condition, but I can’t tolerate being around anyone who does

13 It freaks me out to watch someone sitting there, their leg just constantly vibrating

14 The thought alone gives me the chills

15 I’m anal about strange things

16 I’m no neat freak, but I refuse to have dirty dishes in my sink (I’ll either be up all night washing them, or I’ll hide them in the microwave or the oven)

17 At work, I absolutely hate it when people dispose of their trash into my trash can. *GRRR*

18 Because they know it irritates me so, my coworkers do it quite often

19 Recently got into comic books again

20 Am not ashamed to admit that I’m a grown Harry Potter fan

21 But I am ashamed to admit that I stood outside in a long line to get Harry Potter book #7

22 Yet I wasn’t willing to do the same on President Obama’s inauguration

23 In my defense, there was an extreme difference in the weather at those two events

24 I’m sure the president understands

25 Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I stuck with that left handed thing

Photo from http://www.themonkeycage.org/obama.jpg

Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

Imagine that you’ve fallen head over heels for someone, someone who is beautiful, charming and a bit eccentric. This is someone that your immediate circle would never have picked for you. In fact, your friends and family are less than lukewarm about this partner. They shun your Thursday night dates and mock your anticipation for this certain someone. On several occasions, they make subtle jabs that imply the same message: “You can do better.”

Eventually, things change. Your friends/family realize that they’ve misjudged this special someone. Now, they constantly talk about how wonderful this special someone is, and they even join in on your Thursday night dates. But, things have changed for you. You don’t feel the same way about Special Someone as you once did. In fact, you’ve told a few people that you’ve considered calling it quits. Yet mere talk of a break up sets your friends/family into a tizzy. “How can you do this to us?” “We’ve grown to love Special Someone, now you’re going to jump ship?” “If you don’t love Special Someone, then you don’t love me.”

Folks, I am talking about Grey’s Anatomy.

In the beginning, I was one of the few people in my crew who watched. No one else took an interest in it, thought it was kind of pointless to have yet another medical program on the airwaves. Then my mother became obsessed with it, so did a close friend. Each Friday, our conversations would revolve around the previous night’s Grey’s Anatomy. We loved George. We hated George. We loved Izzie. We hated Izzie. We loved McDreamy. We dropped McDreamy for McSteamy. We loved Denny. We hated Denny’s ghost. We continue to hate Denny’s ghost.

But I have reached the point where I can collectively say: I don’t care anymore. This has truly been the worst possible season for Grey’s. Last year, it started out bad, but got better in the end. This season, I wait, I wait and I wait, but the show has not moved me. In fact, I continuously yell the following phrase at the television: “DIE, IZZIE! DIE!”

Dropping Grey’s would require some shifting on my part. I’m from the old school tradition of excellent Thursday night viewing. From the Cosby Show Days to New York Undercover, I’m used to having a good Thursday TV experience. I do like ‘Ugly Betty’, which comes on before Grey’s, and ‘Private Practice’, which comes on after. So I guess I’ll have to find something productive to do 9 p.m. to 10 p.m. Thursday nights. Hmmm ….

At some point, I’ll have to let folks know that Grey’s and I have broken up. I’m not sure who will take it harder, Mom or Dee. But I think they’ll survive.

Photo from https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUfaY6tKpG69-3wGARFRe_Ltx8wR-YmbH08xzpjqPcyO40XElpbwn-zMgwQqzLBjH4LenIiH1CzrCAW2qnxq1vNGoE1pcsTBzZ2nXDr9W7udRXX_PZuLjnC8F3MRXuUU1Jmo9G/s400/greys-anatomy-season-5-cast_472x400.jpg

The Bro-mance

I had quite a few last minute offers for Super Bowl parties this year. But because I don't care about either team, I didn't really commit to any of these invitations. I was hoping to go visit my Mom and stepdad and let them indulge me with food. Little did I know, they had other plans.

See, my stepfather is engaged in some hot and heavy Man Love with Cousin Bob. Because my extended family is so large, I only met Cousin Bob a few years ago. Cousin Bob is a nice guy who is in his 50s and each summer, he and his wife throw a huge barbecue for the entire family. I've never gone to these parties (it's the 45 and older crowd) and each time I see Cousin Bob, he chastises me for my absence.

Anywho, during the last few family get togethers, Stepdad and Cousin Bob fell madly in love. They spent most of their time separate from all of us, engaging in the most sacred of Man Activities -- talking about sports, chest bumping, etc. It was cute to see, since Stepdad had two of his best Man Friends die in recent years. He has little tolerance for my uncles, so, in alot of ways, Cousin Bob is all he has.

Tonight, Cousin Bob is having another one of his parties, but this time, he only invited my parentals. They extended the invitation to me, but I politely declined. I'm sure five is a crowd in the Man Love Handbook.


(Photo from http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2362/2451987723_4920565b6c_o.jpg)

Letters From the Darker Populace (#4 Set the Mood Right)

Dear Mr. President,

I want a baby. There, I said it. And not just any baby, I want your baby.

Wait -- Don't cut me, Mrs. Obama. What I mean to say is that I want you and the Missus to have a baby. Clearly, I'm not the only one who desires this. I mean, have you checked the rumor mill lately? The general public would like to see the first black White House baby!

Now, I know Michelle might be thinking that she's done having kids. I mean, she is in her forties and not looking forward to doing anymore potty training. And clearly young Sasha is not keen on giving up her baby status anytime soon. But think about what such a thing would do to your approval ratings! There are so many people out there preparing to have an Obama Baby, wouldn't it be great if you set the trend?

So, I'm going to help you out a little, Mr. President. Over the next few months, I'm going to flood 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue with some items that may inspire you. I'm talking about a little something like this, this and this. I'll even send some tunes that are sure to get the conception mood right -- Al Green, Barry White, Prince, Wu Tang Clan -- whatever rocks your boat.

Well, I'll leave you alone now. Clearly, you have a lot to do, and I'm not just talking about running the country. I expect you and the Missus to have a little fun every day through Valentine's Day. Come mid March, I want her to be puking her lungs up. Then, by the end of the year, I'd like to see the latest Obama enter the world. That's not too much to ask, is it?


peace and love,

s/c/w



Photo from http://youbetteraskher.com/very%20black%20pregnant%20woman.JPG

The Fallout

This week, my company truly laid down the gauntlet with a mandatory meeting. We all sat around wondering what it could be -- a. layoffs? b. furloughs? c. job changes? Well, our answer was d., all of the above.

It was a terrible feeling to listen to the bosses announce to the entire workforce that they would have to let some people go. It was even worse when they gave us all lists of the laid off folks, and we were asked not to look at them as they packed their desks, and give them a moment of privacy. It hurt to see my Partner In Crime given a brown paper bag to put his stuff in, then ushered out the back door. Two of my supervisors were also given the heave ho. I was in shock until Bill, a sweet guy who'd been working there 28 years, came around to say goodbye to all of us. I gave him a big hug and we all started crying. Ugh. Sometimes, work sucks.

We later learned that we were getting five furlough days this year, the first one starting on Presidents Day. The others are to occur once a month after that. It's truly been a miserable work week. But while my colleagues have been gathering at the bar to commiserate, I've been going straight home to make sure my resume is on point, then searching for whatever jobs there are out there. The problem? There aren't too many.

In the meantime, my new supervisor is a grizzled Vietnam Vet who is rumored to carry a knife in his cowboy boots. He works 6 a.m. to 6 p.m. and no one has ever seen him do regular human functions, i.e. eat and drink. So these next few months will be interesting.