"I'm definitely washing my hands after this!" -- Little girl in the bathroom stall next to me.
"What were they doing? Were they changing clothes?" --Coworker's young sibling's response to learning that a politician was found naked in the back seat of a parked car with a woman.
"I only have one penis to worry about with him. But I have all the penises in the world to worry about with you." -- My cousin, explaining to her teenage daughter why her younger brother is allowed to have female company but she can't have male company.
"KH can't believe she has to beg for a ring after 9 years. Either way, if I don't get one by Saturday, I'm gonna be single." -- A high school friend's Facebook update, talking about the father of her child. The next day she was listed as "engaged", the day after that "single."