Saturday, June 03, 2006

Reasons to procreate

So I've decided the other day that I must have children. Actually, I decided this a long time ago, but this week made it more evident. I have to have at least three kids -- preferably three, strong boys. Actually, at least two boys. Do you know why? So they can carry my groceries.

There is nothing that screams single woman like lugging groceries out of the car and putting them inside your apartment. The sweat, the huffing and puffing and neighbors who pretend not to see you and don't hold open the door is enough to make me want go through 26 hours of arduous labor three times.

I'd give my sons strong names like Butch, Desiel and Bonebreaker. Butch and Desiel would do the heavy lifting, while Bonebreaker would escort me from the car and into the comfort of my living room, prepared to fight if any of the other neighborhood kids so much as snickered. Butch would unload the groceries, while Desiel would rub my feet and Bonebreaker would bring me a cool glass of lemonade. I guess I'd throw a husband in there.... but I'd have to find him an activity and a name. Hmmm.... Ah, here's one: The husband's name will be Bonebreaker Sr. and he'd cook dinner and do the cleaning. Ah.... what a life!


Juicy77 said...

I feel you.

Fort Morgan said...

Yes, have boys, I had 2 great boys and done half-baked foster son. Boys are wonderful. They wear whatever you bring home and they are your slaves for life. I paid my slaves but they loved me and would have carried out my directives no matter what.

Girls are sneaky, picky, and argumentative, if you get one, send it back and ask for a boy.

By all means do not miss out on the joy of some sons. Just don't let them 'talk back' and stay on it like white on rice...then they know you mean biz about the other parts too. Major on the majors (grades, manners) , minor on the minors (hair) and be home when they get home after school.

Chow for Now, Lundy