Saturday, September 22, 2007

The Stalker of My Mother is My Stalker (or, Down with Google)

To hear Mom tell it, Barry is just someone she felt sorry for in high school. He was a bit on the geeky side and everyone wanted to beat him up, so she befriended him. They went their separate ways -- she had me, got married moved away, got remarried, moved away again, and kept moving and moving and ... you get the picture. He got married, moved away, then returned to their hometown.

Of course, I knew nothing of this when my phone rang at work three years ago. At the time, I was living in the Midwest. Apparently, Barry googled my Mom and some kind of way stumbled upon my contact information. Yeah, this sounds a little fishy to me too. I do work in a field where an Internet search makes it easy to locate me, but only if you search my name, not my mother's. Anyway, here's the conversation:

Barry: Oh my goodness!! Is this Strength/Courage/Wisdom?? Pam's daughter?
Me: Ummm, yes. How can I help you?
Barry: You won't believe this, but I'm an old friend of your Mom's and blah blah blah (basically, he said everything I listed in graph #2)
Me: Really, that's interesting. (As I type a high priority email message to my mother)
Barry: So.... do you know how I can get in touch with her?
Me: Well, I can take your information and pass it on to her.
Barry: Perfect!

We chatted for a little while and I learned that he works in the same field that I do. Apparently, my Mom told him that I entered this field and I should chat with him for some career advice. I vaguely remember her mentioning this to him. Anyway, he calls her and life goes on.

I never heard from him again. Until yesterday. I'm no longer in the Midwest; I'm at the job that I've been at for the last two years, making me much closer to my friends and family.

Barry: Is this Strength/Courage/Wisdom?? Pam's daughter?
Me: Yesssssss
Barry: You may not remember me, but I'm your Mom's friend! Barry X!!
Me: Oh yeah, I remember you.
Barry: Great! You'll never believe this, but I lost your mother's phone number. I've been in the area for a few days and I'm trying to get in touch with her. Do you think you can help me out?
Me: Sure, here's her work number... (She has caller ID there and literally only answers the phone when she knows the #)
Barry: Thanks so much! Do you happen to have her cell?
Me: No, I don't. That's in my other phone that I left at home. (A bold-faced lie, but whatever)
Barry: Ok, that's fine! So what's it like to be back home? Do you get to see your Mom alot? I bet she's happy to have you home!
Me: Yeah, it's good. I just saw her yesterday, actually.
Barry: Really! Man, your Mom ...
Me: So how's your wife and kids?
Barry: Oh, the kids are good. My son just graduated college, daugher's in college and my youngest just started second grade. My wife's alright. So anyway, about your Mom ...
Me: And how long have ya'll been married now?
Barry: Oh, we've got a 25th anniversary party in a few months.
Me: How beautiful!!!
Barry: Yeah. Now about your Mom....
Me: Well, I have another call. Gotta go!!

We hang up and I immediately call my mother to tell her that Barry will call her soon. Just like I thought, she didn't answer her work phone when he called because she didn't recognize the number. I haven't followed up with her to see if she called him back. She didn't sound too enthused to hear that he was in town. Either that, or she didn't want me to know about their elicit affair. Hah!! I hope she deals with it, cuz I do not want to get another phone call from Barry. Sheesh. I swear, it's hard being the daughter of a MILF.

(Photo from


Andrew Isaac said...

"so about your mom"

could he have been more obvious

Strength/Courage/Wisdom said...

I know, right?

Teej said...

Barry has got it bad like an Usher song for your mom.

I wonder if his wife of 25 years knows how chummy he is being?

motownrunnergirl said...

this is funny. hi queen, how are you? i posted. :)

Strength/Courage/Wisdom said...

@ Teej -- Yeah, I wonder about wifey as well.

@ Motown -- Welcome back! I missed ya!

Mlle Smith said...

That was complete HILARITY! Omg, too funny...I cackled out loud at my computer. :0)

Camille said...

LOL...this is some foolishness. I love how he cut to the chase so quickly to try to get what he wanted.

Muze said...

wow....that's a little stalkerazzi. hilarious that you're like, "how's the wife and kids?" lol.

and i completely understand about the milf thing...that's soooo my mommy. lol.

Tha L said...

DOWN WITH GOOGLE! 4-real tho.

Juicy77 said...

"Me: Really, that's interesting. (As I type a high priority email message to my mother)" LOL!

This Barry dude sounds scary. Stop giving out your mother's number!