Tuesday, September 18, 2007

How (Not) to Approach Me

Honestly, I’m not making this stuff up. Here are some transcripts of conversations I’ve had with men that I’ve met over the past few weeks.

(The scene: Salsa club. The dance floor is crammed with folks and I am having a blast, even tho I’m still trying to get adjusted to this salsa thing. Dude asks me to dance and I comply. But before I go out there, I warn him as I do all my other dance partners, that I’m a beginner. So we go out there. )
Him: You’re sure you’re a beginner? You’re doing perfect!
Me: No, you’re just saying that.
Him: No, I mean it. You’re very beautiful. I love your hair.
Me: Thank you.
Him: Do you have a boyfriend?
Me: Kinda. (The correct answer is no, but that’s my way of saying I’m not interested)
Him: Ah. That’s okay. I’m kind of involved myself.
Me: YOU’RE MARRIED??!!!
Him: No, no, no. I’m not married. I’m just in love with someone and she’s not talking to me.
Me: Oh. What’d you do?
Him: Let’s just say I was just being a man.
Me: (rolling eyes) Oh, you’re one of those.
Him: I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried everything, but she just won’t give in.
Me: How long has it been since she stopped talking to you?
Him: About a year.
Me: A YEAR??? Okay, I think she’s moved on.
Him: Well, I know she’s not married. I can’t give up on her.
Me: Interesting.
Him: Anyway, if you give me your email address I can add you to my online network. (He was talking about LinkedIn)
Me: Sure. It’s you_r_a_stalker@getaclue.com

(Scene: The library. Many times, I spend my lunch break at the library just catching up on some reading. This dude was sitting in front of me. While I was immersed in a book, he was staring out the window with a bunch of bags at his feet. I wondered if he was homeless, but he looked too well kempt for that)
Him: Hey sis. What you reading?
Me: (startled) Oh, nothing.
Him: Seriously, what is it? Is it a good book?
Me: Yeah, but …
Him: What’s it called? I might want to read it.
Me: (I reluctantly hold up the cover of the book, which is titled ‘Why I’m Still Married’. It’s actually a good book)
Him: (a look of horror on his face) You married, sis?
Me: No. It’s just a good book. These real life authors are talking about their marriages and some of them are in some crazy situations.
Him: Interesting.

He continues to chat over some time and I learn that he has college age children. He won’t tell me what he does for a living, but tells me about jobs he has held in the past (pastor, head of an AIDS clinic), which typically means that he’s unemployed. He asks for my email address and I give it to him as I’m about to leave. I’m not interested, but whatever. An email address, esp one that doesn’t list my last name, is harmless. I get up to leave.

Him: So, sis …
Me: (Didn’t I just tell your ass my name is Strength?) What?
Him: Um…. What’s up with the dreads?
Me: Nothing. It’s just my hair. And they’re locs.
Him: Hmmm. Ever had a perm?
Me: Yes. Before I had these.
Him: Ever considering getting one again?
Me: Nope, I sure haven’t.
Him: Oh.

Suffice it to say, this dude never emailed me. Darn! I was so looking to having so many stimulating conversations with this brainwashed old man. Sigh. Anyway, 'Why I'm Still Married' is a great book, particularly the essay from the woman involved in an open marriage and then she later starts an affair with her husband's girlfriend's husband. Drama, drama!

10 comments:

Tha L said...

Wow. I'm pretty much speechless on this one....but this is exactly the reason I've mastered my "don't f---ing talk to me" face.

Strength/Courage/Wisdom said...

Hahahaha!!!

Andrew Isaac said...

hilarious blog...

one year and the guy hasnt moved on...what a wacko

Jennifer said...

Boy..how I can relate!! Thanks for sharing!!

Andrew Isaac said...

hey, Im a friend of margarita's

Do you mind if I link your blog on my website?

I always ask just in case people dont want the traffic.

Also, I would have emailed you this but I could not find your email anywhere...sorry to clutter up the comments section

Andy

Strength/Courage/Wisdom said...

Welcome, Andrew & Jennifer!

Andrew -- Any friend of Margarita's is a friend of mine. Please, link and I'll do the same.

Best,
s/c/w

Teej said...

LMAO @ 'Ever had a perm?..Ever consider getting one again?'

I've officially had my laugh for the day.

jrzylioness said...

that was hilarious! i love the way you write!

motownrunnergirl said...

omg, strength. this is really funny. that's cool that andy's got you linked. andy is funny too, as you might have noticed if you read his hilarious blog. i haven't seen andy for years. it's really pathetic that we live in the same town and we have to hear about each other through blogs.

Strength/Courage/Wisdom said...

Thanks guys! Yes, Motown, Andy is really funny. I'm still new to his blog, though. I'll have to catch up.