Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Destination: Out There

I'm sure many single folks have heard this statement before. "What, you're not seeing anyone? You've got to get out there!' It would be easy if 'out there' was this place where you just slipped a quarter into a machine and the perfect man would fall out. Unfortuantely, in reality 'out there' is pretty much defined by clubs and bars -- places I typically stay away from.

But the other day I looked in the mirror and decided that I am waaaay too fine to be sitting around with no one to talk to but my cat. I'm going to get 'out there' and see what I can see. I won't be doing too much club and bar hopping, but just trying to go out more often instead of limiting my world to work and home.

I took the first step the other day by joining It's a social networking thing where you hang out with folks with similar interests. I joined a few groups -- sunday movie buffs, first time home buyers, salsa and fitness. None of my groups are having any events any time soon. Later this month, I'll check out a home buying seminar and next month I'm doing a movie with this Sunday matinee crew. Ehhh.... it's something to do.

And I don't say all this because I'm looking for a man. I guess you could say I'm blindly looking. I signed up for a couple of online dating sites -- I'll call them Hatch and Achoo! Personals -- but only for the free trials. I can look at the clientele and they can look at me, but I can't make any real contact until I pay a fee. And I won't pay a fee until I see someone worthy, but I won't stress about it. All I want is someone who is single, childless, gorgeous, fit, rich, humorous, and hygenic with no arrest record who has all his limbs and teeth. Ok, I'm exaggerating a bit, but you get the point.

But being online again has helped me face an awful truth -- the fellas don't seem to be that into me anymore. Juicy warned me that guys would treat me differently once I decided to wear my hair natural and it's so true. These days, men barely give me a second look. There was a bit more interest when my hair was short, but now that it's locked, they're thinking 'here comes one of them earthy chicks. watch out.' There's been a significant change in the number of winks I get on Hatch now compared to when I did before, when I had a picture of myself with relaxed hair. Does hair make that big of a difference? Apparently so. Locks may be considered the hip sexy thing for men to do, but for women it's a no-no.

Anyway, I didn't want to turn this post into a long ramble session. I just wanted to put it out there that I'm going to make a greater effort toward being more social, to getting 'out there.' I'll be sure to keep you all posted about my experiences.

(Photo from


Tha L said...

Aw hell naw s/c/w! It can't be true what you say about locs! Have you thought that it may be the way you rock the locs (attitude!) that makes the difference? I've had mine for seven years and have never felt that men (or women, for that matter) are turned off by them...actually I get way more compliments on my hair than I care to. Maybe it's a regional thing too...west coasters are inherently more "earthy" than the east, so that could be part of it. As for getting "out there", I say go for it, and remember, positive thoughts attract positive things!

Kenji Jasper said...

I'll look for you out in the streets, though I have no idea of who I'm looking for. If you see me about to bump into a tree please stop me ;)

Juicy77 said...

Don't trip Strength.
You don't want the brainwashed dudes anyway. That's the way I see it. I actually prefer the guys who approach me when my hair is twisted or just wild and free (or when I'm rocking my "freedom hair" as I like to call it) to the ones who approach when it's pressed straight. I know that the guys who approach me with my natural 'do like the real me and won't look at me sideways when I wash the press away. Your locks are cute!

Strength/Courage/Wisdom said...

Thanks for the support guys!

Point taken, Tha L -- I have been working getting the swagger back. I do wonder if this is a regional thing, though, but not necessarily east coast/west coast. I imagine things would be different if I lived in a city as opposed to the boondocks. There's alot of picket-fence mindsets out here.

Thanks Juicy. Good points.

And a comment from Kenji?? *blushes* Don't worry, I know what u look like. I'll be sure to tap you if our paths ever cross. =)

Juicy77 said...

correcting myself: "locs" :o)

Anonymous said...

I've always noticed that in American society, while it's okay for a man to be dark, loc'd, and natural...the same standard does not exist for women.

We generally don't expect to see a man with his hair fact, we'd very well likely think it's strange if we saw this. Black men in the US do not have to be subjected to the same ridiculous standards Black women are subjected to.

They are free to be dark and they're dissuaded from sporting a perm or a conk...or whatev.

Anyway, when I had my hair natural for the few months I did stick it out...I noticed that less men did approach me. But, the men that actually approached me were usually more respectful in their approach.

Also, suddenly, I was a "sister". All because of a haircut. WOW.

So, did you see this report on Dateline NBC about that IAT test? I read about it on Clutch and watched the program too....

I scored an "indifferent" when it comes to fair skin vs. dark skin.

And when it comes to African vs. European, I scored a "slight" preference for African-American. Hm.

I'm pretty sure my score on that too, is actually "indifferent", but the problem was that I had trouble associating the African imagery with the words "evil", "nasty", etc...which really slowed me down and affected my score.