"It's like a jungle sometimes, it makes me wonder how I keep from going under." -- Grandmaster Flash
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Sunday Spin: ("You should see my sleep lines. I look like I've been whipped like an escaped slave**")
2. I shouldn't have watched "Celebrity Ghost Stories" or a rerun of Frasier before I went to bed
3. In CGS, a model talked about she and her husband visiting a hotel, where they both dreamed of elderly ghosts that were trying to kill them
4. On Frasier, he confronted a neighbor about his loud music, and the neighbor listened
5. So I dreamed I confronted a neighbor with loud music, only it didn't go so well
6. Said neighbor was part of a gang. He and his crew left notes on my door, sat on my car and even burst into my apartment and tried to kill me
7. I was so scared that I woke up, panting for air and vowing never to watch TV again right before falling asleep.
Have a good week everybody!
(**Text message I sent summarizing my fretful night of sleep)
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
In Search of a News-Free Morning Ritual
Thursday, July 05, 2012
What Ya Say Wednesday ("I'm a fly black woman, but I have no ass")
If I could chat with my 12-year-old self, I'd advise the young me to get contact lenses. IMMEDIATELY. I'm sure I'd have more meaningful things to say, but actor Jeremiah McDonald puts me to shame with this vid of him interviewing his younger self. I'm a black woman with an ample rear --nicknamed Pochabuttus by a select few -- but Aisha Tyler does this hilarious rap about how hard it is not to have any assets. And one of my favorite bloggers explains here how one commenter helped her decide to keep blogging.
Enjoy the rest of your week!
Monday, July 02, 2012
Losing Wisdom
Sunday, July 01, 2012
The Sunday Spin ("If you don't like her, just walk around in a circle three times and say 'I divorce you, I divorce you, I divorce you.'"**)
1. This weekend, I went gambling
2. I went to the new casino in my neighborhood and decided to get the big money
3. So I took my $5 and hit the various slot machines
4. In no time, I had raised my earnings to $7
5. And then my winnings dwindled down to $4
6. Yet by the end of the night, I had a whopping 20 cents.
7. I can't even buy a Snicker's bar with my winnings. Frown.
Have a good week everybody!(**overheard from a strange man in McDonald's)
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
What Ya Say Wednesday ("If Kim Kardashian is your idol, get some help.""**)
**Tweet from Terry McMillan
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Make New (Blogs) But Keep the Old....
So a while back, I had an epiphany. I wondered why people -- people like me, particularly -- are so drawn to things like Date Lab and New York Times Sunday wedding profile feature. For me, I like reading about connections. How people got together, what they thought, and how it worked out. I decided to do my own version like that, but from a perspective of girlfriends, or BBFs, if you will.
What I'm saying is, I'll still be blogging here from time to time. But I have started a new blog,one based on sista(er)hood. It is in the VERY VERY early stages and I will post a link when it's ready for public consumption. However, if you have a close girlfriend -- yes, it's all about female friends -- and you'd like to be profiled, please drop me a line and we can set something up. In the meantime, take care and I'll talk to you soon.
Friday, February 24, 2012
Let Me Be Your Motivation

There have been several workplace changes over the last few months. In short, a lot of folks have gotten the heck on out. The company's finances are questionable, since we are sent misleading notes about how well things are going, then hit with a surprise furlough day. As I told my coworker, we're like the orchestra on the Titanic.
Never fear, I'm coping as best I can. I have two ways to handle the psychological prostitution that has become my Monday-Friday gig. One way is to wrap my resume up in sexy lingerie and prop it up on every street corner I know. The other is through my insane filing system. (I've come along way from how my desk used to look)
I started my filing system as a way to get better organized, and a way to stay sane. One of my critical folders is a file I've labeled “Goodies.” But honestly, the file's true name is “Things That Keep Me From Going the Fuck Off.” This folder was assembled in a moment of panic, when my Least Favorite Coworker Ever began tweeting EVERYTHING, when the higher ups began calling me by the other black person's name, when payroll 'accidentally' misplaced my mileage check, and when – now THIS was my final straw – some crazy MoFu walked by and tossed his ish in MY trash can! But I kept my cool. I grabbed a folder, some scissors, and I got to work.
Hence the birth of the Goodies folder. It contains various forms of inspiration, be it motivational quotes, obituaries of folks who overcame the odds and even fortune cookies that made me feel real good.
From this picture, you'll see glances of my good stuff – a sweet note that came with my Valentine's Day bouquet, an obituary of a blind man who ran an office supply store, a fortune cookie that says “Not Having a goal is more to be feared than not reaching one” and favorite quotes like “I am not afraid of storms for I am learning to sail my ship” - Louisa May Alcott and “Follow your passion and success will follow you” -Arthur Buddhold, which are from my Live Love Dream Desk calendar. Because I'm a handwriting geek, it also contains a few handwritten notes from people telling me I did a good job on various things. I keep those notes partly for inspiration, but partly because I like their penmanship so much that I dream of imitating it.
Anyway, these are the things that keep me from going homicidal. Everyone needs a coping mechanism!
Thursday, February 09, 2012
Six Blogging Years
I wish I knew that when I started this blog six years ago today, that it was also the birthday of one of my favorite writers, Alice Walker!!!! Anyway, thanks for hanging in there and reading about my antics. Time to party.
Wednesday, February 08, 2012
My Mama's Mama's Mama's Mama
There are people in my life who shower me with great gifts. One of them is my college roomie, who continues to Wow me on my birthday and Christmas. Her latest gift – this tshirt – got to the writer in me. So I went to the site to check out what else they had to offer.
I was amazed that you could create your own shirt. Naturally, Only Child Syndrome kicked in and tried to think of what else I could design for me. I decided to take the writer theme and make the shirt a tribute to the women in my family. I fiddled around with a few sayings, and settled on Pearl & Vera & Vanny & Me. That boils down to my great grandmother, grandmother, mom and myself.
Then I remembered how much Mom raved about my original shirt. I knew she'd be just as ecstatic about the new one, so why not get her one as well? I decided to do a four generations of women thing with her too. But there was one problem? My knowledge of family history stops at Pearl. I don't know of the people who came before her, only the ones who came after.
So I tried to do some research, research that wouldn't send this google/factchecking/genealogy-obsessed blogger to go into overdrive. I set up some particulars on Ancestry.com. That got me nowhere but continuous emails about a free trial. (Resist, resist!!) Then I asked a relative. She told me to ask another relative, who was dealing with a terminally ill spouse so I wasn't about to bother her. I knew Mom didn't know, because Pearl died before she was born, as did all of her history.
I became obsessed. I did a couple of Internet magic tricks and wound up with … NOTHING. On a whim, I sent a tweet to a cousin. Thankfully, she knew the answer! She knew not only the name of my mama's mama's mama's mama, but also her mother and father. Sweet!
Now that the puzzle is complete, I can go to the site and create Martha & Pearl & Vera & Me. Then I'll wrap that bad boy up and give it to Mom for mother's day. Yet I am still on the verge of signing up for the Ancestry.com membership. It takes some special dna to make up all of this **jazz hands**
Monday, February 06, 2012
Deadbeat
Monday, January 09, 2012
They're trying to tell me something
Wednesday, January 04, 2012
Going digital
I didn't want to do it, but the decision was kind of made for me.
I'm a bit of a mimimalist, but I have a friend who is a gadget fiend.(I won't mention her name, so I'll just call her Mom) She laughed at my desire to turn pages, while she quickly jumped on the eBook bandwagon. She tried to move me into the digital world, but I couldn't be swayed. My home library is a source of pride for me and doing any electronic reading just seemed like infidelitely.
Well, you know how gadget junkies are. They constantly have to upgrade. So when Mom upgraded hers and asked me if I wanted her old nook, I got custody of the darn thing. It can be good for people like myself, who read 89374387538 books at once and can lighten the vacation load of suitcases filled with 45748797 books and 975485795903 magazines. But it is not the same. I can't underline or put stars on my favorite quotes in an eReader. When I meet Toni Morrison, she won't want to sign my Nook. I don't have wifi at home, so I my only entertainment is the crossword puzzle and the one book I've purchased.
And don't get me started on the return policy. I'm a big fan of David Anthony Durham, so I tried to download his first book Gabriel's Story. However, I got the titles confused in my mind and I bought A Walk through Darkness (which I read some time ago) instead. When I realized my mistake, I quickly downloaded Gabriel's Story. I expected that just like a real book, Barnes & Noble wouldn't mind refunding my purchase of Walk Through Darkness. Right? Nah, guess again. Digital books can't be refunded for any reason at all. Bah humbug.
That being said . . . I REALLY LIKE MY NOOK!!! Sure I'm not going to buy every book this way, but for the ones I do get I'm happy that they'll be cheaper, I won't lose my page and I can take them with me anywhere I go without being weighed down. I only have one Nook friend at the moment (Mom again) but I'm hoping to build up my contact list. Who knows, maybe one day I'll actually live in the 21st century!
Monday, January 02, 2012
The Problem with Being a Bra
There was a time when the release of a black movie was such a rare feat that it called for celebration. Coming to America. Boomerang. Waiting to Exhale. The Inkwell. Boyz in the Hood. When I could help it, I raced to the movie opening weekend. My dad often laughed at my insistence of being black movies, almost immediately. But I explained to him that it was my goal to be the black film industry’s biggest bra -- I had to support what was out there. And that I did.
Lately, it has become hard to support, especially on television. I long for the Thursdays I spent with Dr. Huxtable and Freddie Brooks, the Sundays I spent with Maxine Shaw and Martin & Gina, as well as other nights I could spend with the Fresh Prince, my Girlfriends or The Game (the pre-BET run), etc. I don’t have many choices now, so when a new show with a black cast debuts, I immediately return to bra duty.
So when this show -- I’ll call it Feed Between the Fines -- debuted, I set the dvr and waited for my life to change. I tweeted the hell outta that bad boy’s premiere date and encouraged my friends to watch.I watched the first episode and noticed a few things -- my childhood crush on Theo remains, I have an outfit crush on almost everything Tracee Ellis Ross wears, and what is up with Tracee’s left eye?
I watched later episodes and did not react.I deadpanned my way through the episodes. And it’s not that I think the show is bad. I do NOT think the show is bad. I just think it is, well, not good. I get that this a story of POSITIVE BLACK MAN marrying a POSITIVE BLACK WOMAN and their POSITIVE DRAMA-FREE LIFE IN THE SUBURBS, FREE OF EVERY BLACK STEREOTYPE THAT HAS EVER EXISTED. And as exciting as that sounds, I’m going to need to laugh every once in a while. And clearly, I’m not the only person who feels this way.
But I survived this season, who knows how I will feel when it returns. The new season of The Game is starting soon. I was a big fan of that in its original version. Now that the show is at a different network and in different hands, I feel like it is missing . . . SOMETHING. Nevertheless, it is making somebody money. For now, I’ll keep looking around and find new ways to use my bra powers for good. I did recently watch this and enjoyed it. Perhaps things are looking up.
Friday, December 23, 2011
I'm finally writing a blog post, like to read it? Here it go...
Thursday, October 06, 2011
On Noise
There are times when the quiet gives me a headache. I have a lot of cds downloaded on my computer, so there are times when I put my headphones on and zone out. But sometimes this is problematic. My musical tastes go from gospel to gangsta, so catch me at the wrong moment and I’ll either pray for you or bust a cap in your ass.
This week, I tried to cut down on my musical tug of war. One day, I streamed NPR on my computer. It was cool, but the constant conversations had me so interested in what the hosts were saying, that I couldn’t concentrate on my work. Then I decided to stream NPR’s classical music station. Maybe listening to Mozart would not only motivate me, but it would simultaneously make me a genius. Well, I had the same problem as I did with my own musical selection. One song would have my heart beating out of my chest, and the very next one would depress me.
Today, it is quiet again. I’m going to talk to my plants. If that doesn’t work, I may just start talking aloud to my coworkers. We’ll see how they like that.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Here's a Personal Story: Bring Your Friends!
I’d been leading the dual-job life for nearly three years now. We have secret shoppers who come in and evaluate us. It’s all very easy to get a 100 percent. And you’ll definitely get accolades if a customer complains that you were bothering them, because that just shows that we value customer service. So imagine my surprise when I got my secret shopper evaluation. My evaluator gave me a 91 percent. I didn’t get a perfect score because I didn’t tell her a personal story (i.e. “I love these pants because they make my butt look cute”) and I didn’t end our conversation with the company mantra: “Next time, bring your friends!” So here’s a personal story from me to her:
Dearest Secret Shopper:
Thank you so much for submitting your opinion about my customer service. Because we see hundreds (ok, dozens) of women a day, it is hard for me to remember exactly who you are. Could you be the shopper who came in pushing a stroller. I rushed over to give your child a sticker, only to realize you were not pushing a child, but a dog. Or could you be the shopper who came in wearing M-sized pants, but then only wanted to be fitted in XS? And after each pair of XS’s wouldn’t do, you’d look at yourself in the mirror and screech “MY LITTLE GIRL PARTS ARE SHOWING!”
So after struggles like that, you an imagine why I may have neglected to share a personal story with you. You don’t want to hear about the acrobatics I have to pull in my main job’s bathroom stall when it’s time to change into my job #2 uniform. Surely you don’t want to hear about those times I’ve hidden myself in the fitting room, closed the curtains and took a cat nap. Or maybe you’d like to know that working in a store full of women has made me ravenous for practically every man that walks by. (See UPS Man, water cooler man, light fixture man, shoppers’ husbands, etc etc etc)
See, I knew all of that would bore you. Never the less, you asked and I answered. And it is because of silly demands like that that today will be my last day at the store. I’m going to catch up on two things I value in life -- Sleep and Sanity. But don’t let that stop you from coming in the store. I’m sure my (former) coworkers would love to entertain you and your retail values. But as for me.... I’m gone.
Next time, bring your friends!
Best,
S/C/W
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Dirty Dishes

People judge you on your dirty dishes. Just like they judge you on your unmade bed. When I was a kid, Mom used to make a big fuss about my messy bedroom. I found that as long as I made my bed, she didn’t fuss as much. It’s the same with dirty dishes. Look at the media portrayal. You remember those movies where the police had to enter the home of a a drug addict/unfit mother/pedophile/hoarder/otherwise poor person? The first thing they do is zero in on the sink and the flies that swarm off of the tiny bits of crud that’s caked onto their dirty dishes. Think back to the 1980s and that movie, Lean On Me. Remember when Mista Clark had to visit Kaneesha’s home, because her mom didn’t want her anymore? When they went inside the apartment, the first thing they showed was the huge pile of dirty dishes in the mom’s sink. Ok, maybe not. But that’s how I remember it.
So the last thing I want is for some sort of a emergency arise, where maintenance has to get in and they see my dirty dishes. Or better yet, what if my apt is burglarized?? Criminals don’t need to know about the scrambled eggs, broccoli, cream of wheat, and turkey burgers that had been fortifying me. I am NOT Kaneesha’s Mother. I’m also not a drug addict/unfit mother/pedophile/hoarder/otherwise poor person.
I glanced at the clock, and I glanced at the dishes. I did what any sensible person would do. I stuffed my dishes inside my microwave, and my oven. I drove off to work with ‘Lean On Me’ theme song stuck in my head.
