Sunday Spin: ("You should see my sleep lines. I look like I've been whipped like an escaped slave**")

1. It's been a long time since I had a nightmare, so I figured I was about due

2. I shouldn't have watched "Celebrity Ghost Stories" or a rerun of Frasier before I went to bed

3. In CGS, a model talked about she and her husband visiting a hotel, where they both dreamed of elderly ghosts that were trying to kill them

4. On Frasier, he confronted a neighbor about his loud music, and the neighbor listened

5. So I dreamed I confronted a neighbor with loud music, only it didn't go so well

6. Said neighbor was part of a gang. He and his crew left notes on my door, sat on my car and even burst into my apartment and tried to kill me

7. I was so scared that I woke up, panting for air and vowing never to watch TV again right before falling asleep.

Have a good week everybody!
(**Text message I sent summarizing my fretful night of sleep)

In Search of a News-Free Morning Ritual

I'm a creature of habit.

I spent my weekday mornings getting dressed to the hum of the television. Over the years, my viewing has changed. As a child, my mother rushed me out the door to the sounds of the morning news program, which was likely Good Morning America. In college, I prepared myself for the real world by watching the Today Show and planned my outfits based on Al Roker's weather report. And once I got into the real world, I tried to lessen the workday's blows by watching reruns of The Smurfs before I headed outside. (And if the network hadn't switched things around, I'd still be watching the blue people)

But in recent years, I returned to the Today Show. I can't explain why. Maybe it was those college memories of eating oatmeal and chatting with my roommate as Matt Lauer hovered on the screen. Or maybe it was my  ongoing crush on Matt Lauer. (#DontJudgeMe) These were people I had come to know, and I liked them. I was there through Katie Couric, Meredith Vieira and Ann Curry. So when I watched a video of tearful Ann talking about her new duties with the show, I got mad. I turned off the television and decided I was going to explore other a.m. alternatives. 

My first attempt to boycott the Today Show sent me over to their competition, GMA/Good Morning America. (You can't convince me Robin Roberts is sick, the woman looks AMAZING). While I enjoyed the stories and the banter among the hosts, I didn't have a connection to them. They were having too much fun. I wanted to toss them in the corner and shout “This is news, people! It's serious!”

So then I turn to CBS This Morning. I really love the CBS Sunday Morning program, so this was a natural progression. And as a fan of Gayle King, I figured there was no place I'd rather be. But while the folks at GMA are having too much fun, it hits me that the folks at CBS aren't having enough fun. Sure Gayle will swoop in with her witty personaliy, but it doesn't seem to mesh well with the stagnant Charlie Rose.

I'd been tempted to throw in the towel and go back to the Today Show. But recently, I found a better option. Adult Swim airs reruns of King of the Hill early in the morning. I dvr those episodes and watch them at my leisure, lately in the morning. Hank Hill's life is so much more interesting than the real world. So I now start my mornings in Arlen, Texas, where both propane and John Redcorn rule.  

**photo from http://blog.mysanantonio.com/jakle06/files/legacy/kingofhill.jpg **

What Ya Say Wednesday ("I'm a fly black woman, but I have no ass")

(Yes, I know it's Thursday. Midweek holidays mess up my equilibrium)
If I could chat with my 12-year-old self, I'd advise the young me to get contact lenses. IMMEDIATELY. I'm sure I'd have more meaningful things to say, but actor Jeremiah McDonald puts me to shame with this vid of him interviewing his younger self. I'm a black woman with an ample rear --nicknamed Pochabuttus by a select few -- but Aisha Tyler does this hilarious rap about how hard it is not to have any assets. And one of my favorite bloggers explains here how one commenter helped her decide to keep blogging.

Enjoy the rest of your week!

Losing Wisdom

I'm not a dentist, but I play one really well.

Before I start this post, I should confess a few things. The first is that I have hypochondriac tendencies and I've been known to Google every single symptom I have. The second is that I have an aversion to the medical system, i.e. doctors, dentists, hospitals etc. The third is that I made a commitment to be more responsible about my health care needs this year. The fourth is that I'm very proud of my teeth; folks are usually impressed to learn I've never worn braces.

Earlier this year, I had a nightmare. In it, I dreamed that my tongue had become a two-headed snake and was lashing out at both of my jaws. I woke up in a cold sweat, and with a pain in my right jaw. I chalked it up to it being a developing canker sore.

Fast forward a few months, and the pain grew. I couldn't sleep because my jaw would just throb in pain. I googled 'healing canker sores' with abandon and tried every solution around. I gargled with my mouthwash. I gargled with salt solutions. I used Orajel. I downed Ibuprofen like it was candy. After one sleepless night, I went to the urgent care clinic desperate for some relief. The nurse said my allergies were probably causing this canker sore, and gave me a prescription for some magic mouthwash. If the problem continued, she suggested I rinse with Maalox and Benadryl.

Well, the problem continued. The throb wasn't just my jaw, but also my back teeth. It was like I was teething all over again. Then I saw the season finale of Mad Men of Mad Men and the main character was fighting with a dental abscess. That's when it hit me. Aha! I have a dental abscess! I shall find a dental office and have the dentist take care of this abcess.

So I step into this office and I tell the dentist all about my woes – that I have an abscess, and maybe a canker sore too, and that I just need relief. He proceeds to poke around in my mouth as a way to do his job, and likely, as a way to keep me from telling him how to do his job. After some poking and prodding, he tells me that what I'd seen in my mouth, it is NOT a canker sore. It's just an ordinary indentation that everyone has. But what was troubling me was my wisdom tooth, which is decaying in that same region. The other two (I have three wisdom teeth, not four) would likely give me the same amount of pain, so it's best to have them all removed. He gave me drugs, and sent me on my way.

Since then, I've called the nearby oral surgeon. I have a preliminary appointment next week, and then we'll set aside a time for the Big Removal. I'm nervous. What helps is knowing that I'll have a legitimate excuse to be away from work. What doesn't help is hearing all of the wisdom teeth horror stories, of which there are 983463473743. And it's only a matter of time before I Google 'wisdom teeth horror stories.'

Anyway, it's time to whip out my insurance card and see what other appointments I need to make. With my family history, I can't afford to avoid medical professionals.

The Sunday Spin ("If you don't like her, just walk around in a circle three times and say 'I divorce you, I divorce you, I divorce you.'"**)

1. This weekend, I went gambling

2. I went to the new casino in my neighborhood and decided to get the big money

3. So I took my $5 and hit the various slot machines

4. In no time, I had raised my earnings to $7

5. And then my winnings dwindled down to $4

6. Yet by the end of the night, I had a whopping 20 cents.

7. I can't even buy a Snicker's bar with my winnings. Frown.

Have a good week everybody!(**overheard from a strange man in McDonald's)